through all of those nights

Thu, 09 Dec 2004 03:59:28 GMT

i am slowely but surely falling in love with the decemberists

if you have not heard them then dont wait any longer

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 03:11:14 GMT

i live my life like a broken record a lot of times but from the bottom of my heart

thanks

.
i know its hard to beleive but things are going to be different this time. watch

Sat, 20 Nov 2004 18:01:49 GMT

i dont like this and i feel bad

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 22:34:49 GMT

i was driving home on the parkway last night and i felt so amazingly happy. it was a combination of a lot of things. a short conversation with someone i care very much about really made me feel good. chances are they probably dont even know they did it to me. and i feel like i have begun to choose a new path for my self. ive felt so lost lately

so hopefully things are changing for the better. i am transferring to the school of visual arts next year. i talked to the admissions for film and video and i am going to be going to a cheaper college near my house for next semester to do some humanities credits then ill most likely be living in a little apartment in jersey city and definitely going to the sva in manhattan. kinda a long way off but i gotto start now.

thanksgiving is coming soon, i dont know what exactly is going on yet. it is going to be real weird seeing alli in NJ for the first time. am i crazy or do other people think about things like that? seems like everyone does such a good job at going with the flow. well one night hopefully i am going to take her out somewhere real nice and i hope everything will be great.

i have changed a lot in this past few months. im sure i appear to be your average immature college boy but i have changed. things have never mattered to me as much as they do now. i never realized how important some things are in life. i never could relate to anyone that had any type of heartbreak whether it was a death or love. now i know that all i can do is sympothise. i have realized that you can not even begin to try to understand how someone feels unless you have experienced it. and there is no pain worse then what your heart can do to you. i am confused about life though. i know what i want, exactly what i want. i dont mean career wise or where i want to live, i just mean the big picture. i dont knwo what to do about that now though.

i really hope that things start to work out better for me. i know how selfish that sounds but i can't lie. .something brought us together, and something will always keep us here. that is love. that is what i want.

Wed, 10 Nov 2004 19:32:00 GMT

someone said something to me last night that made me feel real good

almost valuable

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 19:28:26 GMT

and i stepped out into the freezing air with the music blasting
it was the best i could do

Mon, 18 Oct 2004 23:46:20 GMT

well maybe sometimes i feel good but for the most part today

i feel lonely
i feel out of place
i feel like driving straight into car head on

I HAVE NO CONTRL OVER MY OWN FUCKING LIFE FUCK34WYWR5H3

Mon, 18 Oct 2004 23:37:04 GMT

fuck everything

Tue, 05 Oct 2004 16:23:26 GMT

express warehouse sale
got some bargains holla

some tight pants too, dunno

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 19:28:41 GMT

actually that song or poem or whatever sounded good for like 1 hour then i realized hwo much it doesnt relate to me so fuck that shit
no music is fading, i do like the sound of things
noones lonely
lets let the tape play cause i think its about to turn to the other side
and its so great

lets press rewind
go back to the start

forget about being lonely
come on, lets make eye contact
just take my hand
watch the butterflies rush back

the tapes stuck on play
the volumes dimming fast
why did i wake up
intoxications never last

listen closely on this still autumn day
my insecurities drown out all the sounds
theres no way out, this tapes still stuck on play
whats there left to hear, the volumes so far down

lets press rewind
go back to the start

I cant stand this sound

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 22:03:01 GMT

I got some pictures of a boy I left behind
It seems funny, but his face looks just like mine

I'd try to get back everything I had

Wed, 22 Sep 2004 19:56:05 GMT

Mon, 20 Sep 2004 18:13:01 GMT

i have to admit that even though ive been realing real shitty, confused, and a lot of other things about my life, last night was fun

me, jesse, and zyla went to manhattan to meet ben at his dorms and we hopped in the car and drove down town to this bar. we started drinkin and havin a good time, me and jesse did grey goose shots, and the bar had a beer pong table. i never saw that before it was amazing. 7 dollar pitchers. so me and ben played jesse and zyla, 1 pitcher per team, we won, and by the end of the game everyone in the bar was watchin and we asked who wanted to play and we played some middle aged guys who didnt know how to play and they were gettin kinda mad they were loosin, then this old ass guy like 75 years old played and it was amazing. we went to the mcdonalds in harlem where i bought a whole meal for this homeless guy lol and so did ben.

i barely made it from clifton to class thsi morning, i was like 2 mins late but i like went straight from my car to class it was crazy and now i feel like shit from bein so drunk.

overall though, im still having trouble getting you off my mind
sorry :(

Fri, 10 Sep 2004 00:17:41 GMT

mo fuggin dorm room son
</p>

college is supposed to be the best time of your life..?

Tue, 07 Sep 2004 15:37:37 GMT

well, its been the weirdest 27 days of my life i have ever experienced.
anyone whos read my journal read all of my posts wth me complaining and feeling
bad about alli going away, etc... plus i started college on the 28th of august
so thats a big change for me on top of everything.

along the lines of college i can not complain at all. anyone who was in the
right state of mind would have said i have been having the perfect time. it just
other stuff that bothers me. i took a few pics on a disposable cam, one of
my dorm, and a few at this frat i go to usually.

i really do hope that things start changing in my head. one thing i
really want is just peace of mind. last night was the 1st i thin k night
since i left for college i tried to go to sleep without being in an altered
state of mind. took me about 2 hours and i just sleep like shit. i am
giong to see alli on the 17th and i hope that it is great.

this is from canada when i went with one of my greatest friends jesse for a few
nights, big ass slot machine

good ol' canada

this is the game against msu which we amazingly won

thats a picture of my dorm from the outside

me and coyle playin some clifton kids at a pike party before it started

a few hours later

well so i dont know what the fuck is going on wtih my life
right now. where i want to be, where i should be and what i am doing. i
wish jesus would come down straight up right in front of me adn explain
everythign to me or something.

OHH AHH JUST A LITTLE BIT

Sat, 28 Aug 2004 19:29:40 GMT

HAY IT'S ALLI AND I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU!♥

I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
True, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
That frankly will not fly. you will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home

loves loves loves

Sat, 14 Aug 2004 15:28:20 GMT

so its the 14th, i leave for college in 14 days, alli leaves next saturday
i dont know how to explain what i am feeling

Sun, 04 Jul 2004 02:42:37 GMT

wow i hope i am never alone in my life, i think its my biggest fear, i watched fireworks today by my self and thought about it

i think if i am old and alone id rather be dead

WOW HUGE SO MANY PICTURES WOW

Sat, 03 Jul 2004 23:54:28 GMT

long time no update but i guess ive just actually been having something to do in my life that isn't the computer. compared to a this time last year i probably spend 1/10 the amount of time on here and home. noone wants to read all the shit thats happened so ill sum up big events, lets see, i graduated, i have some pics from class day. i went camping with some of my best friends, alli jesse ben lauren sophia, it was so fun wow i cant beleive it. everyones been having grad parties and i had mine on the 26th, it was pretty fun i guess, it was catered by wah yuan chinese food, lol. i am lookin for another job now, i need one soon. i had my rutgers overnight orientation and it was really decent for something i had to be at.

class day

oh yeah this reminded me of my year book, i didnt get all the pioeple i want to sign it yet but alli wrote an entry in it and it made me melt

camping

my grad party

Sat, 03 Jul 2004 16:35:40 GMT

all this layout stuff is really hard to figure out cause i dunno but it kinda worked what i wanted to do

you click the colors on my face

Thu, 27 May 2004 03:21:52 GMT

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am home again

its been a while i guess but i feel like finally updating a little today.
everythings been so good and fun lately i feel like something bad HAS to happen
becuase it isn't fair i am having such a good time. i just had my senior
prom which was bad to say the least, it was just a weird situation, but after i
had a really really good weekend. we rented a house in the poconos and it
was amazing spending time with my best friends. i hope we can use the beer
this weekend becuase i have like 1.5 coolers full that i don't wanna see go to
waste. i am really seeing my self failing calculus for the year and i don't care
besides that i am scared rutgers would like take back my acceptance or
something.

all in all when i look at my life, it has changed more then imaginable i
really can not beleive it. it is just so so so different, what i do every
day, sooooo different. all i know is i am happy, every day i am having a
good fun time and thats what matters to me. i just keep getting more and
more sad thinking about going to college, its really crap becuase i love my
friends and i love my lifestyle, why does ti all have to change.

i quit my job and i am having second thoughts but oh well, i needed a change.
i have no problem with people who do drugs, but the last day i worked my boss
bought crack 4 times in 6 hours and then left early and to make a long story
short i ended up having to bring some scrappy ass old indian guy home.
sick of it all i guess. i might work for shook funeral home so i am going to
talk to him about that by the end of this week hopefully, its an amazingly good
paying job i hear

today i slept after school then me and alli picked up soem picture frame
photo album type stuff for prom pictures and i like em. shes been sleepy
lately good thing i keep her up when i am around

tomorrow instead of leaving at 11:14 i get to leave at 10:26 becuase my 4th
per teacher is going to be out. yeeyahh

i dunno i am really happy most of the time but its when you start thinking
about stuff that it is not good. sometimes i think i got no worries and
everything is so chill then sometimes i have a million things on my mind, i
guess just the typical things a teenager stresses about, but i dont like it, lol

i love those days when you are just havin a good time and can go to sleep
worry free

i want to end on a happy note saying that this year, all in all, every day
has been better then the last, and anyone who knows me knows i am one of the
luckiest guys have what i have going on in my life

</p>

Wed, 12 May 2004 17:45:54 GMT

alli made me a mutha fuckin mean heart shaped cake and its awesome

<3

Mon, 03 May 2004 23:49:59 GMT

much love yo

da da da dadada --- huuuuuh

mo fugguhh

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 00:38:43 GMT

friends only :/ comment to be added!